Listening: Horrorshow, good ol' Commonwealth hip hop, have a listen, it's good:
Eating: Sleeman with lime, goat brie, bread (daaaaang, I love gluten)
Looking: The smoking hot lake
Oh! Why hello there! It's been a while. Welcome back. It was bound to happen, me not showing up for a long period of time, I am terrible at responding to texts, and I hate to say it, but I am close to always late for everything. I've been out and about the west coast of Canada, having a summer, and, I've been writing the meat of the cookbook! Very excited, as there are only three more recipes to test, and then I think that will be all settled. And by settled, I mean I will need taste testers. I don't think it will be hard to find them, but hey, that's probably what Gandalf thought about the ring, amirite!?
(Look.At.This.Guy!)
Speaking of Lord of the Rings, I went to see Calvin Harris last Friday, and have a few battle scars leftover from that. Great show! The front rows of Electronic Dance shows do things to you, like make you look like you've joined Fight Club minus Brad Pitt. This is who I am, somewhere in between, EDM, Lord of the Rings, and a great Beef Dip.
Over the past month I've had a lot of great conversations with people about both the cookbook and the blog, even a couple of strangers coming up to me at pubs knowing what I am up to, crazy, but crazy cool. So here is a list, Buzzfeed tells me people love lists these days, so let me join the trend just for a minute:
(My answer for most everything).
A list of 10 things overheard about #SexandSandwiches
1. "Is anyone having sex with the sandwiches?"
No. Just. No.
2. "Can you help me get my girlfriend to do anal?"
A random asked me this one. First of all, props to rando for being so out there with his sexuality. Second, no. I can't. That's between the two of you. You can make her feel comfortable, and safe, and slightly buzzed and go from there buds. I don't want to talk about stranger's bums.
3. "What do you think the horniest country is?"
I am going to just go ahead and say Germany.
4. "I think you can say that if you have Jewish heritage?"
I am having issues with deciding whether or not my writing is going too far in some cases, so I am getting blessings from an array of people. Mostly from people who have no connection to specific situations, so I am not sure if it counts, but hey, it's got to count for something.
5. "That's not the best Christopher Walken impression I've heard, but it's not the worst."
Well, yeah. I know.
6. "Be Kurt Vonnegut."
If Kurt Vonnegut were a twenty something lady who sometimes wakes up with pizza cravings, and is dealing with life in the 21st century by writing about sex, then yes, yes I could be him. I WOULD LOVE TO BE HIM, but, let's get real.
7. "B*tches be crazy, bottom line."
A lot of people are crazy. You don't have to be a bitch to be crazy. Respect yourself, respect others. Also, here's a great lil' remix about it by Jay and a fellow named DJ Green Giant:
8. "Poor. Fucking. Dude."
Re: The job of collecting turkey semen. Because turkey breasts are so genetically enlarged, they are unable to have sex naturally. So, a guy has to go around jacking of turkeys to impregnate the lady turkeys. Keep this in mind if you're ever thinking about getting implants gals.
9. "How do you cook pulled pork?"
If you don't have a smoker, I think crock pot is the best f'n way to go. A version of this will be in the book. Also, I can just e-mail you a recipe if you're keen on some juicy juicy pork.
10. "Do you have the sex or the sandwiches first?"
Whatever you like. I am an old fashioned gal myself. Nothing better than a sandwich post coitus.
So, today I read a quote on Instagram, because this is where most of my literature comes from these days, which read:
(My Man Crush Monday forever eating a gyro).
So, today I read a quote on Instagram, because this is where most of my literature comes from these days, which read:
“I
really hate this ‘your other half is out there somewhere you just got ta meet
them’ like f#%k off. I am a whole person
and I don’t need anyone to ‘complete me’
the only thing I need is a pizza and
not your shit. Bye.”
Not the most eloquent thing
ever written, but hey, sometimes someone just has to say it raw, usually
someone from the Southern United States, Northern Alberta, or Australia, not
that I stereotype sass.
Speaking as a woman who has
recently been told several times “Don't worry, you’ll find your other half,” I can attest to
the f#%k off attitude. Isn’t it fine not
to be “looking” for someone? If I am at
home watching Netflix and eating a bag of cheezies to myself, are people
wondering if I am being prescribed lithium?
I hope not.
I feel like in today’s scary
world, people want to find someone who makes them feel safe, someone who can
ground them, but also raise them up in a way which the general mill of society
cannot. Not that we settle, but, we as
humans just don’t want to face the world on our own. Hell, I don’t want to face the line at
Chipotle by myself.
Maybe it is because I am in a
pretty pessimistic state of mind this week, but if there are about 7.046
billion people in the world, is finding your soulmate by the age of 30
realistic? Does it even matter? As we age, do we just settle because we realize
time is going by faster and faster? Do
we settle with someone because we feel guilty about how much time they have
already devoted to us?
(If google says it, it must be true).
I am not one to give
relationship advice, but I can say this:
Don’t let anyone ever tell you that you aren’t rad as f#%k.
Oh boy! What positivity! What happiness!
I do believe in fate. I believe that everyone who enters our lives
does so for a reason. Some are put there
to remind you to use condoms, others, are put there to remind you what laughter
is.
I don’t think we should be
looking for someone to complete us, rather, we should be looking for a partner
that enhances all of our good qualities.
Someone who when you wake up makes you check your phone to see if they’ve messaged
you. Someone who you take photographs for
knowing that the other person will like it.
And preferably, someone who doesn’t wear socks with sandals. Unless they have a foot condition, in which
case, keep those paws socked up. Thank
you.
I am not sure if there is one
person for each of us, but I can assuredly say, if someone makes you happy,
make that last as long as you can, because this world needs a little more
happiness. Love often, love well.
And, of course, love sandwiches.
Below are some photos of a couple of things I've been working on, both physically and mentally:
Above: Butter Chicken Schnitzel Sandwich between Naan. One of the few sandwiches I've tested that is ready to go first round. I ate about five of these. #bikinibodychallenge
Above: I made this after a particular rambunctious (dancing like Beyonce) night out. Homemade sourdough, pulled ribs, fried egg, avocado, tomato, bacon, homemade mayonnaise, dijon, and sirracha. Let me tell you, I am no doctor, but take one of these and two Ginger Gravol, and you'll be good to go for the day. If you don't have Gravol in your country, I am so sorry for you. Please order some presently.
Steak Sandwich that I am testing for a story that involves a man who once invited me to shoot kangaroos and then proceeded to help me break my kitchen, and my roommate's shoe rack. Because vodka.
A little change from the sandwiches, the makings for a Cioppino. Made at probably one of the most beautiful places, during one of the best times. Ever.
Made this for a loved one's breaky. A play on my most favourite breakfast in THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE: Blue Fox Eggs Pacifico Benny in Victoria BC. IF you are ever there. Get it. And then tell me about it and make me jealous. Poached egg, avocado, smoked salmon, scratch hollandaise, red onion.
The sandwich that started it all: Goat cheese, fried egg, basil, red onion, salami. This, is love.
Go out. Prosper. Party because you're young, healthy and hot. And remember, relationships aren't like pizza; pizza, is like pizza: A missing piece of pizza just means that you need to make better friends that don't steal your pizza.
xx
-B
