Listening: Bright Eyes, Lua
Eating: A donut. A very delicious donut.
Looking: A bacon donut and a cup of damn good coffee. Kitsilano, beautiful Kitsilano.
(My.God.)
In July, my boyfriend, and one of my best friends, decided to call it quits. We, in the modern Breanna and Beau fashion, broke up, and then took a trip to Whistler where we proceeded to drink wine, gorge on salmon, steak, and all things breakfast food. We watched bad T.V. and ordered pizza while wearing Christmas onsies. He beat me at monopoly one last time, and I read bad sic-fi books out loud in the worst possible British accent known to man at the top of my lungs.
(Strong ass female role model. Also, always bring a cat on an intergalactic flight.)
We didn't tell anyone for a while, we didn't want to make it a big deal. Our relationship was never Facebook defined and had a very unique style, like ourselves. We decided to end it due to distance and different wants and needs, and because, well, we're young. We need to find more out about who we are before we are able to find out who we could be together.
Afterwards, I threw an "I am not Getting Engaged" party. The food was set to the theme of my dream men, and proceeds went to the Heart and Stroke foundation. We ended up raising about $300 for people with actual broken hearts, it was a blast and a half.
(Some of the dream boys.)
There was a lot of confusion and slight disbelief towards how both scenarios were handled, and that's fine, eccentricities follow me around like clouds of butterflies (<- Poetry). But for a such a forward thinking society, I still wonder why a break up trip and an "I am not Getting Engaged" party got so many heads shaking.
Why not celebrate what great memories were had rather than focusing on one moment at the end?
I am not saying that I wasn't sad, I was devastated. But why not make the best of an upsetting situation?
(We've all been here.)
What's the point of all this? Where is this going? Why? Well, first of all, because I am sick of "the game." The "steps" that society has deemed we must make in order to get from point A to B during the process of a relationship. I spoke to a friend a few weeks ago who told me that the girl he is seeing has set steps that he has to get through before she can say that they are in a relationship. What are they? I am not too sure, but we can only assume that they came from the pages of Cosmo. And not the Space Time Odessy either. And I am crazy for believing that a VHS store is a good investment? No. I refuse.
And now I am upset. Because being single again has shown me just how many strange fellows there are out there. There are the ones who think just because you're nice to them, you want to be in their bed. There are the ones who won't stop talking about children. There are the ones who are incredibly kind, but just not that exciting. There are the creatives. There are the pot smokers. There are the drinkers.
There are the cheaters.
(Actually brilliant).
You think this is going to be an expose, a
tell all of all the bad boyfriends, husbands, sons.
Of all the people who have made choices, but not the brave ones. The brave choice would be honesty, I've
learned that. I've learned that more
than anything, you can't pretend to kid yourself, otherwise, you get pretty
messed up, and, as an added bonus, you mess up the lives of those around
you. Not just with relationships, with
everything.
Not many of us make the brave choice, fewer
still will stay honest with themselves the majority of their lives. In this age of electronic communication, it
is insanely easy to play heartbreaker, or, as I like to call it, asshole.
Put your big boy pants on, mama is getting
real.
(Yeah.)
I did some sad math today, just out of
curiosity more than anything. I know of 3 people in my life having extramarital affairs, and those are only the ones I
know about. I don't have a huge friend
circle, and these people are by no means bad people, they are just doing what
they want. Here's the problem, when
you're married, and you do what you want, you're not the only one effected,
there is a whole other human who's probably wearing an item of jewelry
identifying them as your property, who is affected.
Sure, they probably know, hell, they might
even be doing the same thing, but then why?
Why not fuck up situations and move on?
Comfort. Fear. Guilt.
That's all it comes down to.
Now, I can't fully comment on why marriages
fall apart, I myself have never been married, and there are only 3 men in my
life that I have ever thought I could even come remotely close to marrying, one
just got married, another has been married for a little while, and the third
one just bought a tuxedo so I am sure he's next, but besides them, I don't see
myself being the marrying kind, mostly because I would want a black dress, but
there are other reasons.
(Gooorrrrggggeeeeouuuuusssss!)
My parents have been happily married for 35
years. They are one of few sets of
parents who I know are still together.
Sure, they've had spats, no one is perfect, but in the end, they are
each others lobsters. I have had an
amazing example of what a healthy marriage looks like, and that's just it, my
expectations are high. Higher than
tinder, higher than the guy at the bar with good hair and a Bugatti, higher
than the guy with the boring but steady job who would take care of you. I believe in love, big love. I believe in getting on planes, showing up in
the rain, and professing your gad damn love.
I am not lowering my standards. I
refuse. My mother, Nancy Drew, and Meg
Ryan taught me: you live one life, make it count.
(One of the best).
Some people think this is a ridiculous
standard to live to. I am here to tell
you it's not. If there is something you
desire in a partner, find it. Don't try
to change people into your perfect fit.
Be confident in with yourself and what you're looking for. It's fucking worth it.
Don't settle.
A lot of girls settle. And a lot of girls settle for assholes.
I did some more sad math today. I counted up all the men who have
propositioned me over the past few years.
Then I counted up all of the ones who had a partner at the time of said
proposition. Then with some simple long
division, jk I used a calculator, I figured out the asshole percentage. Out of 25 guys who have propositioned me
over the past 4 years, either asked me out, straight up kissed me, or implied
that they would like things to go further, 19 have had a partner. This is no exaggeration. That, my fellow HBO lovers, is 76%.
Here are some of their "lines" when
confronted:
0. "My girlfriend will be back soon, but I
just wanted you to know you're beautiful."
Thanks so much, I really
needed you to validate that I am good enough physically, because obviously I
don't have enough self confidence to believe it myself.
1. "It's
complicated. And I don't know which
reasons why anymore.". Super! I'll
just be here while you figure your shit out.
I am going to order a pizza, you guys want some?
2. "I just like
sex. I love her so much, I just love sex
more." Well, sex did win a Nobel prize last year, so I can see what you
see in her, I think you guys will have a happy life, and when she starts to let
you down, they have drugs for that.
4. "What girlfriend?" Oh!
Sorry! My bad! That must be your sister you're French
kissing in that photo by your bed?
Cool. You're so modern!
5. "It's different with you, you're like a
drug." My blood runs blue with AMC meth so that makes perfect sense. Next time get a paper cut, do you want a
hit?
Some
things that have been offered to me by men with girlfriends:
-flight
to spain. DENIED
-flight
to Thailand DENIED
-more
drinks ACCEPTED
-back
massages KEEP AWAY FROM ME
Ways
the situation has been turned around on me:
1. "She's crazy".
Well duh, have you met me? But I am only
crazy when it comes to certain things.
Like Target, my love of fall fairs, finding the perfect face wash, and my search for grown up mittens on
string.
2. "I didn't mean it in
that way" Oh sorry, right, I am blonde, I am not supposed to understand or
see subtle pick ups. It's probably
because I am crazy. Or dumb. I'll play the dumb blonde card just for you.
3. "I had too much to
drink." Did I buy you those drinks? Maybe.
Did you still make choices? Yes.
YOU made choices, you there, in the relationship.
4. "She's a
shiksa." Stop. I don't think that
is possible.
5. "I thought she was
you" Oh, you're dating Ashley? My bad! I am Mary Kate. Totally understandable. Walk away.
Results:
1. Friends being punched in the face over lies
2. Free pizza
3. Girlfriends pretending to be oblivious
4. Writing material
Why can't we live from day to day? Roll with the punches? Because we are obsessed with power, with control, with perfection.
Playing games is fun. Things go from, as Drake may say, "0 to 100" real quick, and who doesn't love speed? But games get old, and convoluted, and boring. Except for Cluedo, that game is the boss forever.
(Best game adaptation EVER).
The other reason I was inspired to write this is because this past week, a boy who is self
described as an asshole decided to finally be honest. It was shocking. Someone being honest about their status, not
even honest, up front. The best
part? He was just telling me that he may
or may not have feelings for another girl as well, and needed to think about
things. No sir, asshole I think
not. Why? Let's go over the facts one more time.
19 of them to be precise:
1. You do not live with your girlfriend and lie
about where you go in the evenings.
2. You are not engaged to be
married while making me fall in love with you, having me think you're single.
3. You are not seeking me out
while your girlfriend is out of the country
4. You aren't texting me
while your girlfriend is passed out next to you on new years eve.
5. You aren't avoiding me in the library
as you walk with your girlfriend because you asked me for my number last
Thursday.
6. Offering to let me stay
over because your girlfriend wouldn't mind at all, just don't tell her.
7. Offering me free pizza
while inebriated, resulting in your girlfriend throwing her pizza in your face.
8. Storing my name under a
fake name in your phone so your girlfriend won't find out.
9. Sneaking away to call me
so your friends wont find out and tell your girlfriend.
10. You are not confessing
your love to me while the snow falls and your girlfriend makes you cookies.
11. You are not in France
offering me flights to Spain while your girlfriend cant understand English.
12. You're not telling me how
nice my ass is while your fiancé is back in Canada.
13. You are not asking me to
dance to Akon while your girlfriend is home sick.
14. You are not calling me at
1:30 in the morning while your new girlfriend is god knows where.
15. You are not leading me on
while we drink beers and make eyes.
16. You are not in a
relationship implying that if you weren't, you would like me to be your muse.
17. You are not in an orchard
pretending your girlfriend isn't waiting at the airport.
18. Wearing a shirt with
lipstick stains on it while I am your girlfriend.
19. Being an asshole.
Well, there you go. A few lists to think about.
This morning I woke up feeling a bit less pessimistic about the male race. I woke up with a smile on my face and a memory in my heart. I woke up a bit more of a positive outlook. So here is another list. A list of all the things that have happened in my life with the opposite sex that have made me incredibly happy. This list is dedicated to the guy who once told me "love isn't like the movies." My friend, wait until you see your chapter in the cookbook, it's quite short, and not too sweet.
1. Rain kisses
2. My favourite cookies left on my doorstep, and brought to work.
3. Surprise tickets to my favourite band.
4. Coffee roasts being named after me.
5. A signed first edition of my favourite book as a Christmas gift.
6. Night hikes with wine, chocolate, and bunnies.
7. Love notes.
8. Songs.
9. Sushi cakes for birthdays.
10. Back tickles from nowhere.
11. Making pasta late at night.
12. Using sparklers to spell our names while the snow falls.
They may not be your typical movie moments, but these are the moments that leave me feeling that big love movie feeling. They restore my faith in men, even the almost 80% who I have called assholes. I am not sure how to finish this, but I guess that's the beauty of blog posts, they don't have to be as crisp as the book. SO in conclusion:
Boys, don't be dumb. Remember what your mother taught you.
Girls, don't be complacent. Remember what your father taught you.
Everyone, be nice to yourselves and others.
And in the words of Kanye:
"I hate when I'm on a flight and I wake up with a water bottle next to me like oh great now I gotta be responsible for this water bottle."
xo
-B
