"Remember, sex is like a Chinese takeout dinner, it ain't over 'til you both get your cookie."
-Alec Baldwin
Listening: Drake (fulfilling my Canadian female stereotype)
Eating: One lovely blubbery muffin
Looking: Out a rainy window, some candles
I just got back from a run in the rain, and I feel that it is important to mention that I am wearing a New York Yankees Jay-Z-esque hat. Nice wide brim, keeps the rain out. I think it's also important to note, that I have been asked before when stopped at a traffic light in my neighbourhood to turn down my "ungodly" music…I was listening to Shade 45 on Sirius. I like to keep the community on their feet, try to warm them up to the actual world outside of 1952. I am going to try to tell them about 3D printers next week, I think they'll probably try to burn me at the stake, but hey, heres hoping not.
Sometimes you just have to laugh.
Other than listening to "ungodly" music this week, I've been testing some bits and pieces for ice-cream sandwiches. A cookie here, some ice-cream there, trying to get the perfect combination. It's quite a tough (not tough) job but I think I finally found the right combo. That's one thing I've learned from the writing process, you have to test until it's perfect, you can't just fake a recipe and hope people won't notice. It's all about patience and good whipping cream. Sort of like sex.
The amount of girls that I know who have faked orgasms is about well, all of them. Sometimes it's just not going to happen, sometimes they just want things to end, and sometimes things happen a little too quickly. I find especially from what I have heard, guys just don't have the patience. Saying that, girls don't tend to speak up about what they want regarding the big O, and, a big kicker for the ladies is that they need to feel trust in their partner in order to fully "peak" (it's a hilarious job looking for orgasm synonyms).
The chances of having good sex with someone while a) inebriated b) not knowing them or c) not speaking up is quite rare. Not saying that this is an exact formula, but it just makes sense to get what you want, I mean we were taught that sharing is just the right thing to do right?
Don't fake it til you make it! Speak up! Get what you want. Take charge. Move those hips. Have a couple of martinis. Try different things. Get on top. But most of all, own it.
And guys, don't take ideas from porn. Most of what is happening on the internet, no. Just no.
Stick to the seven. They are different for men and women, for example the majority of men I have asked have said contrary to what Cosmo tells you, mens nipples are NOT that kind of sensitive. On women, yes, go to town. The earlobes are quite a little area for a lot of people, although, like any place, some people are not a fan, just try it out and see. The nape of the neck is nice and sensitive, but watch out for hickies, you aren't Steve Jobs. You will not pull off a turtleneck in summer.
The inner thighs are another kicker to get your blood a flowing. As is the bum, but make sure to approach this area a bit more gradually as a lot of people are quite apprehensive about it. That then leaves the obvious: the bean, the button, the boy in the boat: the clitoris.
To end on a more lovely note, the mouth. A persons lips are incredibly sensitive, and prone to wanting kisses. So give the people what they want! Give them what they need!
On to the sandwiches. I tried a dark chocolate brownie cookie with a mint chocolate chip ice-cream filling, which was good, but the cookie wasn't quite right, it was a bit too cake-y.
I then tried a chocolate chip cookie dough cookie, not baking anything, with a vanilla chip ice-cream…it was getting there, but it was almost, dare I say it, TOO rich. (picture at top of post).
And then finally, finally. A very gently cooked, still gooey chocolate chip cookie with a slow churned vanilla bean ice-cream. Perfection in sugar form. There is nothing like homemade ice-cream. It is the richest, most creamy, most died and gone to proverbial heaven of things. The recipe that I decided on does not need an ice-cream maker, and does not need constant arm numbing stirring:
Vanilla Bean Ice Cream
Adapted from The Perfect Scoop:
1 cup whole milk
Pinch of salt
3/4 cup of sugar
1 vanilla bean, split lengthwise
2 cups of whipping cream
5 large egg yolks
1 tsp pure vanilla extract
1. Heat the milk, salt, and sugar in a saucepan. Scrape the seeds from the vanilla bean into the milk, and then throw the pod itself in. Cover, and remove from heat, let everything infuse for about an hour.
2. Set up an ice bath for your ice-cream by placing in a large bowl ice and cold water, into this set a smaller bowl that is able to hold your ice-cream. Pour your whipping cream into bowl
3. In a separate bowl, whisk your egg yolks. Re-warm your milk and gradually pour half of your milk mixture into your yolks, WHISK CONTINUOUSLY. Scrape your yolk/milk mixture back into the saucepan.
4. Cook over medium low heat, stirring constantly and scraping the bottom with a heatproof spatula, until the custard is thick enough to coat your spatula. About 10-15 minutes.
5. Strain the custard into the whipping cream, stir until cooled. add vanilla extract and place in fridge for a few hours.
6. Remove vanilla pod and place mixture into a freezer proof container. Place in freezer. After 45 minutes, remove and whisk vigourously. Place back in freezer. Take out and whisk, making sure to blend all the frozen bits, every thirty minutes for 3 hours.
Voila. If you're not having sex tonight, I'd recommend this ice-cream. And some Mad Men. But mostly this ice-cream. Have great weeks and even better orgasms.
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