Eating: Fresh Strawberries
Looking: ALL the cyclists riding past my house in ALL the spandex
First of all, I just wanted to say thank you for all the positive feedback from you all! It's been great getting messages from people saying they're actually digging what I am throwing out there. Let's cross our fingers this continues… Also, shout out to Panama and Israel for being such avid readers! I am kind of shocked considering the amount of bacon I am using.
Here is a picture of two Fiat 500's surfing to celebrate 500 page views!
So this week I've been experimenting with nut butters, that is not a double entendre of any sort, it is just the truth. Trying to find the perfect peanut butter for the perfect peanut butter and jelly sandwich, because let's get real, there is nothing better than the perfect peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and a cold glass of milk. Unless you're allergic, in which case there is literally probably nothing worse, because you'd die. But hey! Look on the bright side! Your cholesterol levels are probably great! Good for you!
On a more positive note, let's talk about how easy it is to make peanut butter. You throw some nuts in a food processor, some salt, oil, honey if you're feeling fancy, et voila! I used Alton Brown's recipe and it worked perfectly, as Alton Brown's recipes always do. I REALLY enjoyed the peanut butter, but at the back of my mind, I was still wanting that green lid, incredibly creamy, two bear, Kraft brand. I still haven't found anything that beats it for PB&J, and it upsets me. However, I am learning to deal with the fact that sometimes really bad for you, processed things, just taste better. Don't quote me on that, because I am ashamed of it.
First of all, I just wanted to say thank you for all the positive feedback from you all! It's been great getting messages from people saying they're actually digging what I am throwing out there. Let's cross our fingers this continues… Also, shout out to Panama and Israel for being such avid readers! I am kind of shocked considering the amount of bacon I am using.
Here is a picture of two Fiat 500's surfing to celebrate 500 page views!
So this week I've been experimenting with nut butters, that is not a double entendre of any sort, it is just the truth. Trying to find the perfect peanut butter for the perfect peanut butter and jelly sandwich, because let's get real, there is nothing better than the perfect peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and a cold glass of milk. Unless you're allergic, in which case there is literally probably nothing worse, because you'd die. But hey! Look on the bright side! Your cholesterol levels are probably great! Good for you!
On a more positive note, let's talk about how easy it is to make peanut butter. You throw some nuts in a food processor, some salt, oil, honey if you're feeling fancy, et voila! I used Alton Brown's recipe and it worked perfectly, as Alton Brown's recipes always do. I REALLY enjoyed the peanut butter, but at the back of my mind, I was still wanting that green lid, incredibly creamy, two bear, Kraft brand. I still haven't found anything that beats it for PB&J, and it upsets me. However, I am learning to deal with the fact that sometimes really bad for you, processed things, just taste better. Don't quote me on that, because I am ashamed of it.
(Look at those smug bastards, they know they're the best and they don't even care to hide it)
Last night after some delicious pulled pork sammies, some friends and I had some summer patio drinks. I am sorry if you're reading this from a cold climate, but winter has been here forever, and it's time to get a weather brag in. Anyways, we started talking, as only girls who have had a couple of cold ones could, about hilarious nonsensical things. I won't go into all the details, because nobody wants to hear all that shit, but a couple of things stuck out for me.
For one, we all decided that there are two types of men:
1. Previously chubby lovers
2. Selfish lovers
Now, I don't want to be judgemental, but what's the point of a blog if I am not? We came to the conclusion that men who have previously been chubby, are much more perceptive and willing in the boudoir than those who have previously never been chubby. I dare you to disagree:
Kanye vs. Jay. Jay.
Michael Cera vs. Seth Rogan. Seth Rogan.
Ricky Geravis vs. Stephen Merchant. Don't make me choose.
Louis CK vs. Prince Harry. It's Louis. And don't argue.
I am kind of curious if the rule applies to women, but I doubt it. We're not as black and white when it comes to body image. So, when we try to follow rules regarding it, we end up breaking them one thousand times and then going out for tea and yoga to try and restructure ourselves in a sweltering hot room next to the hairiest men you've ever seen.
Okay, enough generalizing for one day…almost.
The other thing that we talked about was of course the good ol' BJ. The job of jobs, that, contrary to my young self's belief, does not require actual blowing. If only it were that easy, am I right!?
A lot of girls wonder what makes for a "good one." I don't think there is an exact recipe, but there are a few things. First of all, as always, asks what feels good. Second, keep that guy nice and slick. Third, use your hands. And fourth, it helps if you've had a few drinks so you can be a bit loosened up and not as concerned with what instrument you're about to play.
I think the biggest thing though, is your gag reflex. I am not sure if thats something you can (want) to change, but vodka helps. You can also, rumour has it, tuck your tounge up to the top of the roof of your mouth to fake the back of the throat thing. TMI yet?!
I am also amazed at hearing how few guys and gals use protection when going downtown on one another. Things still spread even if they're not going into your lower holes guys: be smart about your bits, protect your lips.
(I am not sure how I am going to write a cookbook without the ability to import gifs to it, maybe it will be a 3D cookbook, who knows, still scratching out the details.)
Lastly, I'll describe the sandwich up top, in the style of Stuart McClean's Vinyl Cafe:
It was dawn. The birds had yet to awake from their spring sleeps, their hearts slowly reverberating amongst the trees. I stepped to the hardwood, knees creaking reminding me that time does not wait for the young. I reached for my headlight, turning it on my eyes adjusting to the harshness of a false day. Stepping down the stairs in a sleepwalk state, I slowly unwrapped the pork from its brown paper packaging. A wonderful thing, meat packed in paper, it reminds one that there is still hope for a slower paced generation. I mixed my spice blend, finally awakened by the scents of chillies, cinnamon, cumin, and maple syrup. Slapping the mixture onto the animal, a yawn emerges. Washing my hands, I head out the door to start the fire. Of course, the most natural of instincts does not come easily, and I am catching myself cursing amongst the fiery red dawn. Finally, I place the soft beast on the grill, its home for the next 10 hours. It will be a good day, and it will be a good tomorrow.
Have a great Monday. And remember, YOLO.
xx
-B
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